Parents Are Burning Out Too: The Surgeon General's Call to Support Overwhelmed Families

By Gil Gibori, CEO & Founder, The House Tutoring and Test Prep
October 9, 2024

As someone deeply involved in the education community—an education business owner, an elected School Board Member, and a non-profit board member—I have been proud to witness the shift in focus across all levels of education over the past decade. Today, there is a stronger emphasis on supporting students' social and emotional needs alongside their academic ones. Everyone involved in child wellness—schools, doctors, mental health professionals, reading and speech specialists, neuropsychologists, and others—has learned to prioritize children’s mental well-being over traditional measures of "accomplishment" and "success."

I am thrilled to see that U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy has put a spotlight on the epidemic of stress affecting today’s parents in his recent advisory. He emphasizes the overwhelming pressures many parents face today. While parenting has always come with its share of worries, modern pressures have intensified parental stress to the point that it’s now recognized as a public health issue, on par with crises like smoking and HIV/AIDS. The expectation to invest significant time and money into children’s development is leading to burnout and exhaustion among many families.

The Growing Burden on Parents

Parents today are spending more time and money on their children’s education and extracurricular activities than previous generations. Whether it’s enrolling them in tutoring, reading together, or participating in sports, the constant engagement has created immense pressure. Social media amplifies this stress, as parents compare themselves to others and feel judged or inadequate when they perceive others are doing more.

In his advisory, Dr. Murthy highlighted the toll these societal expectations are taking on families:

“Chasing these unreasonable expectations has left many families feeling exhausted, burned out, and perpetually behind,” he said. He pointed to a combination of societal pressures that contribute to parental stress, including increased competition for college admissions and a heightened awareness of early childhood development. This has led many parents to feel they must constantly optimize their child’s experiences.

Moreover, many parents feel lonely and overwhelmed, burdened by the belief that raising children is something they must do alone.

How The House Tutoring and Test Prep Provides Relief for Families

This mindset was a driving force behind our decision to create The House Tutoring Lounge—the first of its kind. After 20 years of helping students through expert tutoring, we saw firsthand the anxiety, depression, and even self-harm that can result from the pressure to achieve "student success." From the inception of our predecessor company to the present day with The House, our mission has been to bring  relief to the entire family. This commitment is the foundation of our company culture.

While academic success looks different for every student, confidence, peace of mind, and mental well-being are universal goals for both students and parents.

Parents Are Only as Happy as Their Unhappiest Child

There’s a saying: “Parents are only as happy as their unhappiest child.” (My mother-in-law shared this with me.) Today, this couldn’t be more true. Our kids, especially teenagers, face more pressures than ever before. The worst parts of their day follow them through devices, social media, constant stimulation, and never-ending bad news in the media. For parents, the stress multiplies as they juggle multiple children, careers, relationships, financial pressures, and the challenges of modern life. The weight of it all can feel overwhelming. 

Different players in education play their part. At The House, we’ve made it our mission to relieve families of the stress that comes with the "homework battle," last-minute cramming, and the guilt of not being able to help enough.

We created a space specifically designed for students, with tutors and staff dedicated to easing that stress. Whether it’s helping with homework, preparing for tests, or simply providing a place for students to be with friends, our goal is simple: to ensure that both students and their parents feel relieved each time they leave.

Parent and Student Well-Being Go Hand in Hand

At The House Tutoring Lounge, we believe that helping children and helping parents go hand in hand. When we support one, we support the other. Our success is measured by the peace of mind we provide to both students and their families.

The ongoing conversation about parenting has traditionally focused on whether intensive parenting is beneficial or harmful to children. However, Dr. Murthy's advisory shifts the focus to the well-being of parents. The demands of intensive parenting, coupled with responsibilities like paid work and elder care, are taking a toll on parents' mental health, sleep, and leisure time. This, in turn, affects the emotional and mental health of their children.

A Call for Cultural and Policy Change

Dr. Murthy called for policy changes to better support parents, such as paid leave and child tax credits- policies that have found support across the political spectrum. 

However, beyond policy, he emphasized the need for a cultural shift. Parenting should be seen as a societal good, not just an individual responsibility. Shifting this perspective could help alleviate the immense pressure parents face. Dr. Murthy described parenting as “sacred work,” which should be supported and valued by the broader community.

A New Mindset for Parents

Practically speaking, this could mean parenting less intensively. Parents should feel comfortable relying on friends, family members, and after-school programs to help care for their children. Dr. Murthy encouraged parents to make time for themselves and engage in activities that bring them joy—without feeling guilty about time spent away from their children.

Over time, this shift in mindset could help change cultural expectations around parenting, making it more sustainable and less stressful for families. The surgeon general’s advisory shines a light on an often-overlooked issue: the well-being of parents. By addressing the unrealistic demands placed on parents and advocating for both policy and cultural changes, Dr. Murthy hopes to create a society where parenting is a collective responsibility, supported by the entire community.